Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I can't promise good weather
but ill hold you when your cold
till your shivers only shake me
and we can't wait to grow old

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Propel yourself forward in the most beautiful fashion, I beg you not to underestimate your strength. You are.

Monday, June 8, 2009

an anxeity attack in such beautiful skin

Never have I been more afraid or more excited to press my lips against another persons. I wish that I knew how to breath around her, or what to say, or how to press her beautiful body up against a wall the way her drunken mind keeps asking me to. Goddamn stop asking me to. I want to so badly but I cannot get my hands and heart to stop shaking for long enough to do it. Then she kissed me, or I kissed her, and I was trembling, so afraid, I feel like a little child. I don't know how to take it all in. I am so very caught up . It is the scariest feeling I have ever felt, being able to touch the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I wish she would stop asking me to touch her more. I want to be able to I really do. But my hands and heart and eyes and mind can't seem to find the courage. Goddammit I want to do it but I am so anxiously afraid and I do not know why. I need to grow I need to let myself grow. I am going to do it, behind closed doors, discover the most enamoring beauty I have seen. I will do it.

Friday, May 15, 2009

What a fucking beautiful world I have so suddenly become a part of.

So many people with an unending amount of thoughts and ideas and the most eager hearts and minds to share.

I am overwhelmed every single day, countless times by the amount of love that escapes my heart and wraps itself tightly around every single one of these breath taking people.

I am growing constantly every single second of every day and I have not even had a race of growing pains.

Friday, April 24, 2009


fucking blank
fucking writing blank!
I have had one for to long! I can't control all the thoughts that spill and swirl in my head they just tumble and wrestle detroying everything they touch. Each thought smashing into another till they both break in two in an endless cycle of that which is driing me mad. I'm afraid I am running mad to often and will soon faint. It's strange because for a moment I thouht that I had beat my mind. But I cannot, somehow I was one of the ones whos mind is the enemy. How on earth to I beat my own enemy? I think I need to become friends with it. But anyone could hear the foul things it tells me then I don't think many would choose to be friends with it either. Maybe I am crazy. I know I am crazy. Bad fucking crazy. I don't think that it will ever go away, I think I have to constantly fight to pretend that I love that which I hate so much. I have never had a hard time loving anything or anyone. But I cannot love y mind, for it drives me to crazy. I just want it to stop. Please please stop.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

This is fact not Fiction for the First Time in Years...

To parallel a quote by one of brilliant mind, your temptation is foul.

Still how sweet it tastes when I ignore my other senses, and breath you in.
Does anyone know how it feels?
True release.
I do.
It's orgasmic and overwhelming in the most beautiful sense.
Like lifting a weight, thats been plastered to your back since day 1.
I hardly remember day 1, but I remember release.
I feel release.
I drink, breath and juggle release.
I live Release.
Join me.
I dare you.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Officially Done.

Officially Done...
Dealing with shit that I do not deserve.
I am a strong confident entertaining woman and I have worked hard to be the person I am, I am done dealing with being treated like a bitch, and a whore, and being disrespected. I'm not hung up on no Aretha Franklin shit but R-E-S-P-E-C-T is all I will take from here on out!

Getting so drunk I don't remember.

I have realized completely many many times that to have a night where you can not recall the memories is a waste of life, even if someone tells you, you had a good time. From here on out, I will get tipsey and maybe play with getting drunk but I will not get wasted, scwasted, hammered, plastered, or any other slang adjective to describe the reason I have kissed quite litterily everyone I have ever met.

Worrying that my thoughts are small and insignificant.

One of the most intriuging and exciting people I have ever met told me I am the most intriguing and exciting person he has ever met, and I never even metioned that I felt the same way first. The only conclusion that can be drawn is that if someone that real and wonderful feels the same about me, I must be the shit too! I love my friends!

.more to come im sure.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Meeting at a gravestone

I have never been this speechless, I'm not sure I have ever been speechless at all. Up until now words have been my bitch. And she was a submissive bitch, but beautiful really beautiful, sometimes gruesome and sad, and sometimes a raging angery bitch. She was so good at cutting someone when they were already bleeding, or making them bleed when they thought they were untouchable, still she had the most caring hands and soothing voice to make you forget you had been wounded at all. She was prettiest when put to music, and lonliest when put on a page, but she was mine. Then came, you, you are the master of words, you call her your mistress, and I was busy making her my bitch.

Feel free to keep blowing my mind day after day and I will give you all the fuel you need to do it!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Irish whiskey and diet dr. pepper

man did I get shitty shitty last night...and woke up with a burnt pretzel next to my bed...with a bite out of it...damn.

That being said, I have the best friends in the whole wide world and everything is coming together like it is supposed to!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

But for now I need you...

I've been drunk all day, rediscovering why music blows my head off and sends it places where heads were not meant to go. 

I think that I like to make sure that I have options but I don't like to explore the options whatsoever. 

I could never divorce you without a good reason and though i may never have to its good to have options. 

Monday, March 2, 2009

Oh Shot You Never Got Caught....

and even if you did it caused no harm, couldnt keep my head it's all in fun...shoulda hadda lotta fun.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


"it's all, all a game baby."

Friday, February 27, 2009

the rain will come

Like a rainstorm, you came into my life, when I was dry and empty and needed somthing to quench my thrist. Your thunder was exciting and big and your lightning sent surges of energy through my body. Before long I was flourishing and growing and I no longer needed you're large crashing raindrops to quench my thrist. But you kept pouring, and pouring till i started to drown. The thunder made me afraid to go outside anymore, and i feared the lighting would strike me dead. You would not stop just continued to pour, and flood, and rip torrents of water through and around me till I could no longer gasp for air.


but thank you for saying sorry. that changes everything

Thursday, February 26, 2009

this used to by my world everyday.... I don't think I can say I do not miss it...
I think that exactly every time I am happy...You decide it is time to come back. But guess what asshole. I don't have to take you anymore...and by the way...I hated every second....

now all I can do is laugh...because I love to laugh...and also because she looks like a boy and you look like a little bitch...

...and yes, I still forgive you, but I will never forget...although I would love to.

Both forces have subsided. that was quick...but not nessicerily painless.

<--I'll stick to this. and the rest will come later...maybe..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

in the next two days

Here I am in another dilemma...caught between two forces as always...

one is light and lacks mystery i always know what was meant to be said but never what was meant to be heard

the other dark and honest i always hear what is said and am dying to hear what comes next

one buys me wine one tickles my feet

one flatters with inquiry one teases with sparkle

one can speak one can relate

both have ryhthem...each of their own kind

one comes first so ill take it one at a time


religion made me everything that i hate about myself and thats the truth...but i mean i guess i am who i am as a result of everything I have been so it couldnt have fucked with me to bad
only because I didnt let it though
other people...not as smart...or as educated...or as enlightened...let it ruin them
and im hardly either of the three
Illiteration....base word? illiterate?

"I've got Two Turn Tables and a microphone"

Ill just assume we have all worked it to "Run" a few times...

so not really illiterate at all...

it's too early in the morning...or late at night...to really think of somthing significant...but the conversation I am having has never been more significant.
man i love Kansas CIty more and more everyday!