Never have I been more afraid or more excited to press my lips against another persons. I wish that I knew how to breath around her, or what to say, or how to press her beautiful body up against a wall the way her drunken mind keeps asking me to. Goddamn stop asking me to. I want to so badly but I cannot get my hands and heart to stop shaking for long enough to do it. Then she kissed me, or I kissed her, and I was trembling, so afraid, I feel like a little child. I don't know how to take it all in. I am so very caught up . It is the scariest feeling I have ever felt, being able to touch the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I wish she would stop asking me to touch her more. I want to be able to I really do. But my hands and heart and eyes and mind can't seem to find the courage. Goddammit I want to do it but I am so anxiously afraid and I do not know why. I need to grow I need to let myself grow. I am going to do it, behind closed doors, discover the most enamoring beauty I have seen. I will do it.